The world is filled with billions of people, the United States is populated with a good amount of these people. In our country we are all conformed into the premade molds of modern life, i just never fit into one of those molds. I always had goals, i just never acheved them. I always wanted to find love, i just found it in all the wrong places. They call people like me "fuck ups" but frankly i dont mind being in that catagory,  it basically means that i'm different then the rest of the world and human nature is to shun away the ones that arent like the rest. Truly i consider myself special, because i feel that everyone is put on the plant to do great things but not everyone has the drive to do them. I dont mean things like be the next president of the US, or end world hunger, i'm talking bigger than that. Someone who will make people think, have a new approach on life, someone who has that power to open peoples eyes to things that they never would have thought of before. Thats what i want to do, i want to change the world. But i think i figured out that i have to save myself first, i know i want to travel the world, i know i want to help people to the best of my abilties and i know that i will do something with my life. I dont know what its like to feel passion, i dont know what its like to have someone kiss you in the rain, i dont really know what its like to feel human emotion, but i think that makes me stronger. I think that thats going to help me in figuring out what i want to do with the my time on this earth. I refuse to conform and sit around a desk for the rest of my life, i refuse to have someone else tell me how to live. It is soon time for the reincarnation of society, it is time for people to start standing up for themselves, and to speak out about how they feel. Drink in the conformaty. Live someone elses life. or Stand up for what you believe in. Make your own choices, starting now. Today is a new day. FIGHT.

Lying in bed drunk feeling like the world is coming to an end, do a line, smoke a cig then pass out in a pile of your own empty life. Walk your way around all of your closed doors, live as if nothing but yourself matters. Block out people that care about you, and under no circumstances should you show emotions. Pretend you have none, and after a while you will lose them completly. Take down the noice violation from the front door and wonder what the fuck happened last night. Surprize is that your 29 years old and your sitting in your penthouse apartment with nothing but the coke on the mirror the pack of ciggs near your bed and empty bottle of kettle one on your floor. How does it feel to know that you wasted your life and as rich and succussful you might be there is someone who is more rich and more succussful. How does it feel that to know that you pushed away the greatest thing you ever had and now its gone forever. Looking over at the newspaper that you bought yesterday, with her picture in it, and the atical about how she would be in town this weekend, thinking about how bad you fucked up and how its to late for i'm sorrys now. Debating weither or not to see if her old number is still in use or what would happen if they say eachother again. He finished the lines out on the mirror and went into the kitchen to find himself a bottle of Captain he had forgotten about. Drinking himself into a coked out nightmare, he woke hours later to the knock on his front door, disorented as fuck he rose from the floor, put his finger threw his hair, yelling that he would be right there. To his amazement when he answered, it was her, the girl from the paper the girl from his past. Without even inviting her into his mess of a life, he started with i'm sorry, She took one look at him and walked away talking about how nothing had changed. He spent the next few months getting clean and getting his act together. When the time was right he got on a plane and traveled across the country to her home in California. Driving to the house there was nothing but nervous butterflies running threw his brain, with a knock at the door a man answered. Explaining that months prior while in New York she was in a terrible car crash that had taken her life. He asked but one question, do you by chance know where was she going? As the story goes she had just left an old friends house, she was terribly upset and was not paying attention... He realized then that he was the cause of her death. The only women that he had ever loved and the only women that ever loved him back, had died due to his unworthy heart. He flew back to New York and in his Penthouse apartment, He put a bullet in his head realizing that life without her was not worth living. <3 

There is no real reason why anyone deserves to feel pain. But as i have grown up i have learned that pain is just a part of life that everyone needs to experence. Only problem is that i feel like i'm always in pain. My lifes punishment is that i have to constantly think every minute of every day about things that i dont want to think about. People who arent suppost to hurt me. Always do. Well not everyone just one person who well i just dont deserve it. I have started telling this story time and time again and nothing ever really changes. He only makes me hurt worse. He makes me want to die. I want to cry. I want to fall. I need something new. I want something different. I dont want to cry anymore. I just want to feel better. I dont want to have to deal with this anymore. I just want to die. and i hate that. I hate feeling like nothing is okay.

I want to write a movie about a group of highschool friends who were so close and then all lost touch fast. and in the year that they all turned 22 which for most was there last year of college were faced with a horrible tragedy that brought the crew back together for a weekend of rememanicing and greaving. The movie would start with showing the main characters in there lives all across the country including the phone call that they all receaving letting them know that a really good friend had died in a horrible car accident. When the group returns to the dirty dirty for the wake they are faced with there old memories and letters that the friend had written them before he passed. The movie is compacted with flashbacks and story telling and memo

So i guess you could say i took a break. I stopped writiing i hated school, i cried on a daily basis and for what. Honestly i dont even really know anymore. I had a dream that i was on top of a building standing on the edge looking down at all the people i remember taking a deep breath and stepping off the ledge. and inside i think that made things better for me. But life in general is no so much better. My parents hate me. My best friends are liars and i smoke pot because i dont want to deal with my problems. I also live in a fantacy world filled with things that make only me happy. Lately things have just gone from bad to worse. See i'm in love with this boy who is just so confusing its not even funny. He tells me all the time how we are just best friends and nothing more than that. But then we cuddle and he tells me he loves me and i touch him and well imaginations can do the rest. But still we are nothing and that sucks to me because i just want him to love me. I want him to put me first. I want to be the only thing on his mind. I want to think about our future cause i want to be confident in the fact that there is one. and in my head its the nicest story line. But resenly i have been thinking up a plot for a story i want to tell. about a mobstar family living in wealthy class long island just fitting in with the local high rolers. Its all in connection to how i want the rest of my life to be. See the husband is a contract killer for the Italian Mafia. and the wife is a betty homebaker that has also published a few books on fictional storys of a various theme. They have 3 kids and live in a huge house on the north shore. and everything in there lives is nothing  but perfect until the plots thickens with the invatation to uptain a higher ranking in the family. This promotion entailed a higher cut and i higher hit risk but he couldnt turn down the family. The whole story just goes on about how they live and about the diffent settings come upon them.

So who is wrong. In a situation with no really answers and problems with no known solution. who is at fault? who can you hold acountable for the suicide of a person. who is to blame in an act of war. are we suppost to blame the countries or the troops? who are we to declair war. Who are we to walk into someone's country and bomb them just because they arent like us. What the fuck is going on with this world.

The beach is a place where sand is squishable between your toes. A place where the water is so blue its like deep crystals in liquid form. LIFE IS A HIGHWAY> I WILL RIDE IT ALL NIGHT LONG.

What happens when the only person who has ever broken your heart is the only one that could fix it?

He was blinded by true feelings hidden in her eyes. Threwout high school the two barly knew eachother well enough for a smile in the hall way. Seperate friends, seperate lifes, until there paths started crossing more frequently. She began hanging out with one of his core groups of friends and suddenly the two found themselves having to partically socialize. That is until one night when the two found themselves on a not so short car ride with no one but themselves. That night the two began a converstation that turned there partical smiles into a full blown friendship. She made the mistake of falling in love. Things for them were rather strange from day one they had an instant sort of connection. He took care of her and she took care of him, they trusted each other, they were best friends. One drunken night in the brisk chill of the thanksgiving air she desided to tell him how she really felt. When driving her home that night he began the worst talk of her life. After putting herself out there and being as vonerable as she could be he stomped on it. Speaking to her that he knew that they were just best friends and that he loved her but it wasnt like that. Nothing changed and she just pretended that all the feelings were dead. But feelings this strong could never just desipear.